This last year I promised myself I would let Divine guidance steer me in the right direction. I simply do what feels good and right to me -- and so began my Blog. Before writing, however, I meditate and center myself. I love how before I even know it, the blog is essentially writing itself.
For the last few days I've been thinking about the many shifts I have experienced in my life. I recalled one event so vividly and then I had an "AHA" moment during one of those meditations. That is what I want to share with you.
It was back about 1989 or 1990. I was going to explode with tears, unsure of when I was going to stop if I let myself cry. I had to leave the house I was residing in because I was not in a position comfortable enough to cry and talk about what I was going through. I didn't have anyone in particular to call so they could just listen or even give me a hug for comfort. The only place to go was my car.
It was already late in the evening, I was driving in the pouring rain with no where to go. Interestingly, I ended up in the church parking lot. I recall looking at the church through the rainy windshield. It was a place of supposed sanctuary when I was a child and yet, that night, I just saw a shell of a building made with bricks -- made by man. I didn't feel any peace being there. I remember I said, "God, where are you?" No response.
"Why is my life like this?" I said loudly.
"I am angry. I'm done. I hate you."
With that said, everything I knew about God and how to believe in him was (in a sense) tossed out the window that night. The details as to how I got to that [very low] point isn't really important for this post but what I asked is extremely important. Why did He disappear and let me suffer so much pain? Why did I have to suffer alone? I justified that I was unlucky and unlovable. That was as simple and as black and white as I could put it for myself.
As I recalled this event during my meditation the "AHA" moment happened. I asked all the wrong questions. The "why" questions I was asking were from a place of negativity and stunted personal growth that I alone created. If I've said it once, I've said this a thousand times before...no matter what, it is imperative to always find the love in the experience. If you don't, in my opinion, you will never grow and move forward.
As time went by and I began my life journey, more experiences opened me up to change my views. I recall a seminar where the speaker encouraged us to think differently and lovingly about a previous bad situation(s). Think about this:
- Do you keep experiencing the same "bad" things over and over again at different times in your life? (bad relationships, heartbreaks, unhappy career, poor health, the list continues...)
- Do you react the same way? (I'm unlucky, I don't deserve better, That's how it's always been, Why does this always happen to me?)
- How is reacting the same way over and over again working for you?
Empowerment comes when you begin the search. By finding the love and appreciation of where you are at that moment, you are removing your mental chains. Your experiences are designed just for you. You can choose to grow from them or not. A better approach may start with:
- What did I learn from this experience?
- What affirmations can I begin to use to evoke positive change?
- How will I grow from this?
- Love everyone involved, no matter what. They are learning, too.
Reacting the same way (for me) was not working. Being angry and giving up on God was an easy out and I was giving up on myself. Today, I know that asking things differently will give me a path Divinely meant for me. The answer isn't always out there, it is within that Divine part of yourself.
Appreciate the experience and the moment because that very moment is exactly when God is knocking on your door and transformation begins.
"When you change the way you look at things, the things before you change." Wayne Dyer