I was around 13 years old, I came home from school and found my Mom, Dad, sister and brothers in the kitchen. With excitement, I announced that I wanted to study journalism. I was met with mockery and laughter from the men. A few weeks later when the information arrived in the mail about the colleges I was researching, I didn't even bother to open it and threw it in the trash.
I was 18 years old and at a (not so special) dinner in an Italian restaurant, I was told that I was a miserable person and an embarrassment to the family. Funny, I thought I had a right to be upset since I was missing a dinner where I was being honored with several achievement awards, one of which was for Editor and Chief for the yearbook. I picked up the awards at the school office the next day and again, threw them away.
As recently as four years ago, I announced my dream of wanting to write a book someday. My brother (in front of about 15+ family members) stated, "That's good, but unfortunately no one would want to read it." -- Once again, met with his chuckles.
A brother-in-law, who upon nearly every visit as a child, referred to me as "ugly" only because of my crazy and unruly curly hair and weight. Once he even gave me a troll doll as a gift because he said it reminded him of me. Another brother-in-law said, "It's sad that she's fat because she has a pretty face." Ouch! I was within earshot.
I am in the middle of reading Bethenny Frankel's book, "A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life." (An excellent read if you are a fan of her reality show, by the way). She refers to the noise she has had to learn to control and quiet down so that her inner spirit could soar. Wayne Dyer refers to it as our ego or "Edging God Out." It's that part of you that dampens your spirit with thoughts like, "who do you think you are?" or "I'm not good enough."
As I read her book and the various noise she has had to overcome (money noise, relationship noise, food and weight noise), I began to recall some of my own noise: writing noise, self-confidence noise.
In reality, is it my noise -- my ego? OR, am I allowing the noise and ego of others to enter my core being? Did I allow someone else's issues invade my spirit and did I let it spread like cancer? Whoa! As I read her book, I felt a lot of things stir within me and found myself irritated as I recalled some of my experiences.
If you know me, then you know that I HATE feeling helpless. I HATE the very idea of anyone or anything controlling me, EVER! The thoughts about myself and my abilities were most certainly negatively impacted by my experiences. But, the question is, will I let it continue to control me? I think not. As I worked this week to clear up some of these old wounds, I was met with several quotes from various places. I can only say my Angels and Spirit Guides were hearing me and bringing attention to the lesson with some powerful quotes this week:
“We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.” – Robin Sharma
"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life." --Mary Manin Morrissey
"A setback becomes an advantage the minute you see the love it offers." --Betsy Otter Thompson, Author.
"You may seem to be at the mercy of your emotions, but that's only because you allow them to dictate meaning to you"--Harmonic Wealth, pg 210.Bethenny's book had me mentally traveling to places that I realized I never resolved for myself. By opening the window to some of these unpleasant memories, I have let the light in. I write this blog post with a different heart, an improved one. One that is more open to the flow of love. One that sees we are all on our own path. Sometimes we'll run across each other, and it may not always be pleasant, but none-the-less, I will be thankful for the experience and continue to grow from there.
Bethenny's book also shook up some things for me as a parent. What "noise" do I make for my kids? Yikes! I'm certain to be more mindful about what comes out of my mouth. Divine timing with an incident in school this week (ahhh, how I love my Flow of Energy, the timing was no coincidence) allowed us to discuss some of the rotten things kids say at school. We talked about that "noise" and our Divine capability to hear it and let it go. Ultimately, we have the control about what we allow to shape our lives. Like shopping for a great pair of shoes, we pick what is comfortable and what makes us feel good.
We can make good noise, too. Our words and actions can also lift others. As our world is changing and as I sit hear defining myself more and more each day as a wife, mother, teacher, Reiki healer, writer and speaker -- I am ever grateful for these experiences as it awakens a more loving and compassionate place within me. Yeah...I'm better for it.
"It is in contrast where our greatest learning occurs. Welcome them as they will serve you." --Maria Flynn
If you are interested in reading Bethenny Frankel's book simply click on this link: A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life